Influenced: Helping Parents Guide Kids Online in the Digital Age

Parenting advice about digital media

Social media has become a huge part of young people’s lives, and for many parents, the digital landscape can feel overwhelming. As a clinical psychologist working with adoptive and foster families, I recently presented to Concerned Persons for Adoption on this very issue.

Here is a summary of strategies to help parents guide their children safely through the world of social media—without creating unnecessary fear.

These suggestions are adapted from Jonathan Haidt’s recent book The Anxious Generation: Social Media and Today's Youth by Jonathan Haidt, (2024), and other helpful resources like:

"How to Help Teens Manage the Effects of Social Media on Their Mental Health" – American Psychological Association

The US Surgeon General’s Advisory, Social Media and Youth Mental Health.

Center for Humane Technology- https://www.humanetech.com/

Common Sense Media – Provides reviews and advice on apps, games, and more for families. commonsensemedia.org

FBI- Safe Online Surfing Program

https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/outreach/safe-online-surfing-so…

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children-

https://www.missingkids.org/home

Adoptive and foster children may grapple with issues around attachment, identity, and trust, and some may be navigating communication with their birth families. While social media can amplify these challenges, it also offers tools for self-expression, connection, and exploring identity. Parents should approach social media thoughtfully, understanding these unique needs. Concerned Persons for Adoption https://www.cpfanj.org/home1.aspx and The New Jersey Adoption Resource Clearing House https://njarch.org/ are both rich sources of support and information for adoptive and foster families.

In addition, social media brings both risks and opportunities to every teen and child. According to Haidt, the risks include social and sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation, and tech addiction. Other risks include exposure to cyberbullying, porn, misinformation, unrealistic beauty standards, and increased feelings of anxiety and depression. But social media can also provide healthy relationships, support, and even a sense of belonging, especially for adoptees and foster children who may be exploring cultural heritage, race, and ethnicity. With thoughtful guidance, it can be a space of learning and self-discovery.

Here are some practical tips for parents trying to guide their teens and children…

Creating a “family media agreement” can be a wonderful way to set shared expectations for tech use. Consider implementing screen-free zones (like keeping phones out of bedrooms at night) and times when screens are off, such as during meals or family gatherings. Perhaps pick a time such as a Saturday or Sunday afternoon for screen-free family activities. Working together on this as a family can build trust and healthy habits.

Try these suggestions…

Build Open Communication: Start by creating a safe space for your child to share their online experiences. Listen without judgment, offering guidance rather than criticism.
Teach Digital Literacy: Teach your children to navigate the digital world with critical thinking. Help them recognize trustworthy sources, understand cyberbullying, and maintain a positive online reputation.
Set Boundaries Together: Set screen time limits, privacy settings, and content guidelines as a team. Parental controls are helpful but are no substitute for open dialogue and consistent boundaries.
Monitor Without Spying: Use monitoring tools to stay informed but avoid invasive tracking. Transparent monitoring fosters trust and safety.
Model Healthy Digital Habits: Children tend to imitate what they see at home, so set an example by practicing good online habits yourself.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you notice signs of distress linked to social media, don’t hesitate to get help. Early intervention can have a significant impact.

Address these Online Safety Concerns with Children

Privacy Settings: Practice setting privacy controls together.
Digital Footprint: Remind your kids and teens that online actions are permanent.
Avoiding Comparison Traps: Discuss how online images are not always realistic and can impact self-esteem.
Reporting Cyberbullying: Encourage them to report online harassment.

Be Involved in the standards your schools set.

Schools can help by promoting “phone-free” days and advocating for digital guidelines. Haidt strongly suggests no use of smartphones before high school and no access to social media until age 16. Schools can also increase unstructured playtime and incorporate media literacy into their curricula to prepare students for safe digital engagement.

Advocate for Safer Tech: What Parents Can Ask Corporations and Legislators to Do

Parents have a voice when it comes to demanding safer technology standards for kids. Haidt advises that parents advocate for companies to set high safety defaults for children, adhere to age restrictions, and prioritize user health in app design. He also advises urging lawmakers to require stricter data privacy for children, funding research into digital health impacts, and implementing safety measures like those in transportation or food safety.

Helping kids safely navigate social media is a collaborative effort that requires open communication, clear boundaries, and proactive monitoring. By taking these steps, we can guide children to use social media responsibly and make it a positive part of their lives.

Written by Catherine Bianchi, PhD